This post has been percolating around my mind for months now and I finally feel ready to write it. My precious mom died in May. Even typing that sentence out still doesn’t feel real. Although the death wasn’t as sudden as my dad’s was in 2007, it was still a complete and utter shock that I am continuing to process, especially since we were so close.
Being a therapist who specializes in trauma while experiencing my own trauma is difficult. I am continuing to hold space for my clients’ needs while also trying to attend to my own. The therapeutic relationship is so unique in that unlike our other relationships, it is designed to be a “one way street”. The client does the sharing, and the therapist does the listening. When tragedy strikes a therapist’s life and we have to keep going for the sake of our clients (and ourselves), it creates an opportunity for connection that doesn’t typically occur in the clinical space.
I am writing this piece as a letter of gratitude to my clients. I truly could not imagine having experienced the loss of my mom without your genuine care and support. At the beginning of every session around the time she died, you would ask me how I’m doing, if I’m okay to see you today, etc. I was offered a moment to share if I wanted to before we delved into your stuff. I was allowed to bring my full and authentic self to our sessions while still holding boundaries. I likely could not have continued working for some time without your generous spirit.
The research tells us that the relationship between a therapist and client is the most important vehicle for change. We can use all the different modalities and techniques in the world, but at the end of the day, it is truly the safe, supportive, and nonjudgmental relationship we build together that matters the most. I have always placed my relationships with clients at the highest priority level in my life. This work is such an honor for me to engage in and I don’t take lightly the trust that you place in me. While these relationships were never meant to be reciprocal, in this case, they were. You provided a loving, open space for me to share how I was coping that day. These moments meant everything to me during this extraordinarily difficult time in my life.
The richness and depth that this period of time brought into our work together is felt by me every time I see you and connect with you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your presence in my life.
-Your very grateful therapist, Amie
Also published on Medium.